In all seriousness I submit that President Obama should send the following letter, or one like it, to the person was was recently elected to the Senate from Texas:
Dear Senator Cruz:
I am in receipt of your request for federal funds to help the victims of the recent explosion that took place in your state. Believe me when I say that nothing would make me more personally happy than to accede to your request, but alas, I must hesitate to do so.
As you know, I recently made the mistake of requesting such funds for the victims of hurricane Sandy. As you also know, I am always ready to consider the positions of every Senator, be he or she a Republican or Democrat. During the debate on that bill I confess I was impressed with your cogent and erudite exposition of the constitutional principles at stake in taking an action that, to others, might appear to be simply the right thing to do in the face of disaster. While it was too late to stop the Sandy relief effort, I vowed that henceforth I would adhere to the constitutional principles that you so ably and convincingly espoused during that debate.
Imagine my surprise, then, to find that my first opportunity to demonstrate my new found conservative principles would involve an event in the State of Texas. But principles are principles, and I have, at least so far, come to the reluctant conclusion that the constitution forbids me from taking the steps you have proposed.
I confess, however, that I may be mistaken. A man of principle like yourself would most assuredly never change his position for purely parochial reasons. It is certainly possible, nay, even probable, that there is a fundamental constitutional distinction between the two situations; one that only a person as well versed in the law and our founding principles as you can discern.
Therefore, my decision to deny your request is, at this point, merely provisional. I invite you to submit your arguments in written form, explaining why disaster relief was inappropriate in the case of a natural disaster such as Sandy, but entirely appropriate in the wake of an explosion caused in great part by the negligence of Texas state officials. Please submit your statement in the form of a five part essay of no less than one thousand, and no more than two thousand words. Believe me when I say that nothing would please me more than to be persuaded that the constitution allows me to furnish the assistance you have requested. In order to assist me in this task, I have asked the governors of New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Connecticut and Massachusetts to help me review your submission. If they are persuaded, you may rest assured that I will be persuaded.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours truly,
Barack Obama