We SE Connecticut Liberal Drinkers managed to fill a whole table at the JJB Dinner last night. Our table was several miles from the speaker’s podium; it was indeed tied with the table at the extreme other end of the room for farthest from that seat of honor. We console ourselves with the belief that this slight to our dignity was unintended. Surely there must have been someone there less important than us, though the more I think about that proposition, the more I doubt it.
But I put aside my offended pride to do my bloggy duty. Leave it to others to pick apart the speeches. I shall review something far more important-the swag left on our chairs by the various candidates.
Let me start off by saying this was a dismal year. I shall, by and by, bestow the Best Boodle Award, but let me hasten to assure that the feat was comparable to a two legged runner winning a race against amputees.
So, what did we have. First, as threatened, Denise Merrill gave absolutely nothing, preferring instead to throw her money at a charity. In an excess of highmindedness, she didn’t even leave a note on our chairs telling us what she was doing.
Now, proceeding upwards toward the award (setting aside the Cynical Swag award, which I shall bestow last) here’s what we got:
Malloy: Nothing, at least nothing that I saw.
Kevin Lembo: A piece of cardboard from which one could cut out “nerd glasses”. Lembo gets a pass because he has no money.
Nancy Wyman: She still hasn’t run out of jar openers, so we have another one to add to the collection. Nancy gets a pass, however, since she is not opposed, and therefore has no incentive to bribe.
Jonathan Harris and Dick Blumenthal, tied with a cheap plastic cup and a cheap plastic pen respectively.
Ned Lamont: First of all, Ned’s minions failed to shed even a portion of his wealth on our table, but we snagged some of his miniature basketballs somewhere along the way. Now, I will be casting my vote for Ned at the convention, but I’m sorry to say that it will be in spite of, rather than (as it should be) because of a JJB Dinner bribe. There must be some connection between politics and basketball, but I can’t figure it out.
George Jepsen: A pocket copy of the constitution. As a plus, it’s relevant to the job he seeks, but really, paper is so 20th century. I already have a constitution on my Iphone.
Let me pause before announcing the winners, and lament what might have been. Gone are the days of chocolate treats and… Well, damn it, that’s all that matters, the chocolate treats. We shelled out $175.00 and the best thing we got was:
The winner: Mary Glassman, who bestowed a useful little book containing post it notes on each and every one of us. Yes, that’ it-post it notes wins the day. Pathetic isn’t it? Maybe I should become a Republican.
Now, for the Cynical Swag award, won hands down by Susan Bysiewicz, who gave each one of us a tote bag, guaranteeing that each one of us would at least appear to be supporting her as we left the convention with our paltry prizes stowed in her bag. If only Susan’s legal experience matched her political savvy.
I should note that Lee Whitnum was making the rounds, looking all the world like a left wing Orly Taitz. Poor Ms. Whitnum is running for the Senate nomination, and is in the unenviable position of being far in Merrick Alpert’s rear view mirror. You can’t get much farther back than that. Merrick, of course, declined to dine with us “fat cats”, though he did post his juvenile chicken outside the entrance hall. Needless to say, no loot from him, either.
UPDATE: Grant Ritter shows off the winning entry:
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