This is Easter weekend, and it seems fitting that I should abandon politics and turn my hand to religion. Regular readers know that I have an advanced degree in theology, having studied religion for eight years at Our Lady of Sorrows Grammar School (not making that up) on aptly named Grace Street (not making that up either) in Hartford. In the interest of spreading the word of god, I will, in this post, endeavor to educate my readers on some fine points of theology.
I was inspired to write about this topic while listening to Van Morrison's album No Guru, No Method, No Teacher yesterday. In the song in which the album title appear (*In the Garden*) he mentions the “father, son and the Holy Ghost” (I am leaving that term capitalized, as my Ipad's autocorrect did it for me. The pope must have some folks in the IOS development team). Anyway, it occurred to me that it is time someone paid tribute to the Holy Ghost, and I intend to do so here. Or at least try. I have not deigned to consult Google in writing about the ghost. This post relies strictly on the knowledge acquired while getting my degree. Where that is insufficient, I will make stuff up.
For you hell bound heathens, I must first explain the Holy Trinity.
There are in fact three Gods in One. We must all believe this, though it makes absolutely no sense. But having jumped that hurdle, let us go on.
God number one, first among equals if the truth be known, is God the Father. He is a contemporary of Zeus, but far more narrow minded and intolerant than his lightning wielding rival (allowing no other gods but himself and his two alter egos), though nowhere near as randy. While Zeus was constantly on the prowl, we know of only one human virgin that God the Father impregnated, that being Mary, who gave birth to:
Jesus, the Son, who existed since the beginning of time, but goes unmentioned in the Old Testament, despite what Christians may say. He came down to earth, exited Mary's womb, and became human to die for our sins. It is not clear exactly how this works or why an all wise and loving god would find this necessary. Be that as it may, somehow God the Father felt the need to have his Son tortured and suffer the pain of death for our sins, which somehow made things alright (at least for baptized Catholics), though why this “sacrifice” was such a big deal is not even clear. His messy death may have been a record breaker, but it was hardly the worst death ever suffered here on earth (he had company the day he died, for Christ's sake, and lets not even talk about the folks the Church put to far more grisly deaths) and, as Leonard Bernstein pointed out, if the story is true, he “had the choice when to live, when to die, and then become a God again” which puts him one up on every human who ever lived. I remember that while getting my degree at Our Lady of Sorrows, this quibble entered my mind, but I never raised it with Sister, as I had learned early on that one should not get Sister confused.
So now we arrive at the Holy Ghost. He goes unmentioned in the Old Testament, and is perhaps alluded to in the New. This would be at the time of the event referred to as the Pentecost, when the apostles were huddled together in a room, frightened to death that they were going to meet the same fate as Jesus, when they were suddenly inspired. Well, okay, I did go to Google, and here's the ghost himself making his appearance:
When the time for Pentecost was fulfilled,
they were all in one place together.
And suddenly there came from the sky
a noise like a strong driving wind,
and it filled the entire house in which they were.
Then there appeared to them tongues as of fire,
which parted and came to rest on each one of them.
And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit
and began to speak in different tongues,
as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim.
There he is and there he goes. Basically, he did for the apostles what Rosetta Stone software does for the rest of us; he had them speaking foreign languages in no time at all. Well, that's not quite fair to the ghost, because he had them speaking multiple languages simultaneously. That is a good trick. Not even Bill Maher or Richard Dawkins could deny that.
But really, that's pretty much it as far as the Holy Ghost is concerned. No one thinks about him much. Truth to tell, it's not even clear he's a he, though of course, he's certainly not a she. When he's not pictured as a tongue of flame, he's a dove, don't ask me why. He's most like an infusion; a deific tea bag if you will. When he shows up, he infuses your soul with faith; changing the weak water of your soul into the pungent Earl Grey of unquestioning faith. But pity the ghost. No one really warms up to him like they do to Jesus, or fears him like they fear Jesus's old man. No one prays to him. They even pray to Mary, who, strictly speaking, is not even a god, being the wrong sex and all. But nonetheless, he or it is there by your side, ready to fill you with faith if only you would open your heart and mind. My own theory is that the Holy Ghost (Apple did the caps again) got tossed into the mix because theres something distinctly un-mystical about the Holy Duopoly. Consider, would anyone remember Wynken and Blynken, if Nod didn't complete the picture? Good things come in threes (would Goldilocks and the two bears have made the grade?), and the ghost's job is to bring up the numbers. Still, one thing you can say for him or it, the ghost has been mostly harmless. No one kills in his name, starts wars, or oppresses women (see, I needed three examples or it wouldn't have worked). That may not sound like much at first, but it puts him head and shoulders above his competition.
Post a Comment