CT Blue

Michelle Bachmann says she has heard the call to a higher vocation.

This presents a number of questions, both theological and scientific. In some cases, a mixture of both.

Now, when I was back there in Catholic school, there were nuns that put forth the proposition that the Lord would call you to his service. I never heard the call, and, looking back at it now, the only people that I’ve known who have heard such a call, and never to the priesthood, are my mentally ill clients, and politicians, each of whom (the politicians, that is) happened to be a Republican. Well, perhaps “happened”, implying some sort of randomness, is not a good word.

Anyway, back to Michelle. Now, there are three possibilities. First, that Michelle truly heard the voice of God telling her to run for President. Second, that Michelle is mistaking the voices in her head for the voice of God, as so often happens to the clients I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Third, and this is most unkind and therefore most unlikely, that Michelle is lying or equivocating.

Since we can reject the latter possibility out of hand, we are left with a rather stark choice, but one that presents some interesting possibilities. For, if God has called Michelle to become president, he surely intends to see to it that she wins. I mean, he didn’t send an angel down to Mary to tell her that he might possibly magically inseminate her. He doesn’t waste his time like that. Now, we can also all agree that it would take a miracle for Michelle Bachmann to get elected. Ergo, impelled by the force of logic, her election would indeed not only validate her claim to having heard God’s call, but would prove the existence of that God to all but the most hardened non-believers. Of course, it would shake the faith of a number of believers, who heretofore had some grounds, at least, to believe that God was not cruel, vindictive, or totally insane. If, on the other hand, Michelle loses it will not, by any means, disprove the existence of the Hairy Thunderer, but it will, ipso facto, prove that Michelle is per se eligible for Social Security Disability under Listing 12.03 (Schizophrenic, Paranoid and Other Psychotic Disorders). This would give her the chance to join so many of her other tea party compatriots, who have likewise qualified for public largesse, which is, because they get it, not socialism.

But, putting all these questions aside, we can all agree that it will be great to have Michelle in the race. If only Sarah would join, we could have ringside seats to one of history’s greatest political contests, as each tries to out-crazy the other. Only God would dare to predict the winner of that contest.