CT Blue

Lately our historically challenged right-wing brethren have, against all the evidence, taken to ascribing their own beliefs (or beliefs they pretend to hold) to our sainted Founding Fathers. If we are to believe them, our forefathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in religion, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal, but some are created more equal than others. Today at Kos we get the latest example:

Oh, conservative crackpots, is there no conspiracy theory you can't duct-tape to the unwilling corpses of The Founding Fathers? Jerome Corsi, who is one of the battiest bats ever to fly from a cave, says that same-sex marriage is a plot to allow government to crack down on Christians. He knows this because America's founding fathers knew that sex is not supposed to be fun, or something.

“Our founding fathers knew that if we went this direction, there was no more moral compass and you won’t be able to explain to your children — you’ll have to face the fact that we lost holding the line on one of the most principle issues in the Bible, and that is sex is not about fun,” he remarked. “If you want to have fun, read a book, go to a movie. Sex is about the procreation of children. It’s a sacred responsibility that is meant by God to have men and women commit their lifetime to children.”

Well, one Founding Father that didn't get the message was one of my personal favorites, Ben Franklin. Ben is one of those guys high on the list of folks to whom I'd like to go back in time to meet. No one can deny him Founding Fatherhood, for in the case of the constitution, as opposed to his firstborn son, his fatherhood was entirely legitimate. Does this piece of poetry, authored by Ben at the mature age of 39, sound like the product of someone who thought sex was not about having fun?

“Fair Venus calls; her voice obey;
In Beauty’s arms spend night and day
The joys of love all joys excell
And loving’s certainly doing well.”

I won't vouch for the deathless quality of the poetry, but the meaning seems perfectly clear. And if he didn't have sex with half the women in France that he met, he certainly wanted people to think that he did, and if he thought sex was about having children why would he tout the advantages of an older mistress. After making the obligatory pitch for marriage he says (I've only reproduced the most salient parts):

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

..

Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

…
Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement. (Emphases added)

A good and healthy debate could be had about whether his advice was tongue in cheek or not (and whether we can forgive the sexism), but it's really hard to make the case that he thought sex was all about having kids.

And let's not even talk about Tom and Sally.