DALLAS — A Dallas nurse who treated the Liberian man before he died of the Ebola virus last week has tested positive for the disease, officials said Sunday.
Although the nurse was wearing protective gear, the director of the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Sunday that the latest report indicated a clear breach of safety protocol at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital.
Earlier the hospital did not recognize the Liberian man, Thomas Eric Duncan, 42, as a potential Ebola patient when he first sought treatment there. Mr. Duncan, the first person diagnosed with Ebola in the United States, died last Wednesday.
Now, I'm not usually one to sound the alarm about immigration, but it's pretty clear from the above that it's past time when we should clamp down on unrestricted immigration from Texas. Right now, anyone who wants to enter this country from Texas can do so. There are literally no restrictions on flights from Texas into the United States, and anyone traveling by car can get in to the US without even going through customs.
This state of affairs could be tolerated when the only negative effect of letting in Texans was the resulting lowering of the average IQ here in the US. It hardly made a difference, considering that we still had Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and the rest of their Confederate brethren to contend with. But now that Texas has turned out to be ground zero for the North American Ebola outbreak and, as expected, they've proven themselves totally incompetent to deal with this situation, we real Americans have to take action to stop the steady infiltration of Texans into the United States.
We have to assume that anyone from Texas; anyone who thinks Jesus invented football; anyone who thinks Rick Perry is a fit public servant, is a potential carrier of the Ebola virus, in addition to being a certain carrier of the stupid virus. Already, Texans, any one of whom could already be infected, are creeping over the border and escaping into Oklahoma, which, God knows, can't afford to have its IQ diluted further. There have already been reports of abandoned cowboy hats discovered on the Texas-Oklahoma border. It's time that Obama took action against this growing threat. I'm not necessarily advocating putting all Texans into concentration camps until they've been shown to be Ebola free and capable of thinking rationally, but it's certainly something we should consider given this dire emergency.
I urge everyone out there to keep an eye out for illegal Texan immigrants and report them to the local authorities. They might look entirely normal, but you should be able to tell they're Texan after talking to them for just a few minutes. If they know the name of every player on their local high school football team there's a good chance they're Texan. Don't panic. Do avoid intimate contact. That should be easy, as you likely won't be tempted. Call the police. Keep them talking about football until the authorities arrive. Until Obama finallly gets his shit together and puts up a wall around the Texas border, it's up to us to contain this invasion.
Note: I have been advised that given the current state of discourse on the internet, I should point out that the above is intended as satire.
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