It takes a special talent to fearlessly stand astride both sides of an issue, but our State Senator, Heather Somers, has it down to a T. Republicans these days must walk a fine line. They must satisfy their base while not alienating “moderate” Republicans who have not yet come to terms with the fact that their parent’s Republican Party now consists of a corrupt party elite that derives its power from a fascist base. Heather is a master of, as the Firesign Theatre might sing, being in two places at once when, on close examination, she’s not anywhere at all.
Latest example: a whackjob hair dresser in Pawcatuck decided that she was going to open her barber shop on the 20th, despite Lamont’s order to defer such re-openings. For any readers who might be from outside this region, Pawcatuck is part of Stonington, the most easterly community on the coast. It borders directly on Rhode Island. In fact, were you passing through for the first time, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Pawcatuck and Westerly, Rhode Island were one town. The whole point of Lamont’s amended order was to synchronize salon openings with Rhode Island, so while the order made sense everywhere, it made more sense in Pawcatuck than anywhere else.
Heather was on hand for the woman’s arrest to…well…, to show that she both supported the woman and that she did not support the woman. At least that’s the best I can gather from this article in the New London Day.
First, there’s this:
State Sen. Heather Somers, who accompanied Thibodeau to the police station on Thursday, said “nobody is interested in having anything have to happen.”
Okay, I have to confess that that my grammar school teachers, Sister Thomas and Sister Joseph Theresa, who drilled us on these things, would be disappointed in me right now. I believe I could make a stab at diagramming that quote to their satisfaction, but for the life of me I can’t figure out if it contains any meaningful content. Brilliant, really, because anyone who wants to believe that Heather is on their side can read their preferred meaning into it.
Then we learn:
Somers said she showed up to support her constituent but not to encourage her decision either way. She attended the meeting between Thibodeau and Stonington police Cap. Todd Olson, she said, to help Thibodeau understand “what the process looks like so she can understand how to proceed or not proceed.”
You see, she’s not trying to signal to her whackjob base or encourage this woman at all as she accompanies her to booking. Heather always makes sure she’s there to lend a hand any time a constituent announces in advance that they intend to commit a criminal offense. It’s just part of her job.
Anyway, Heather can see both sides of the issue:
On Thursday, Somers said she thinks people defying or protesting the governor’s order to keep salons and barber shops closed are confused about why getting a haircut poses such a risk in the governor’s eyes.
“How is that any less safe than going to a big box store?” she said. “I think that’s what people are struggling with, but the governor’s order is the governor’s order, we have to follow the law. It’s been clarified, it’s clear, so we have to see how things go.”
You see, even Heather is confused. Some might say that explaining the reason why hair salons pose a greater risk than big box stores might be a job for Obviousman, but lets cut Heather some slack. Sure, as a member of the Health Committee she should be expected to know or research the reason salons are less safe. If she’s really curious, she could ask her cardiologist husband who, though not an epidemiologist, could probably explain the reason in words of one syllable that she could understand and even pass along to her base, not that any of the Foxaholics would listen. But she has only so much time on her hands and you can’t expect her to actually read up on these things or even give them a little thought. In case you’re confused too, the Day’s reporter noted:
In its original letter directing barbers, hairdressers, cosmetologists, nail technicians, estheticians, eyelash technicians and massage therapists to close, the state Department of Public Health told them, “The nature of your profession puts you in direct contact with your clients and customers. Therefore, the risk of transmission if you or a client is infected is higher than professions that do not require direct contact.”
As Obviousman might say: DUH!
Now, for myself, I can’t muster up sympathy for the other whackjob interviewed in the linked article who just has to get his haircut now. I have no problem with letting my freak flag fly almost as much as it did back in the 70s (albeit, a bit grayer) when we endured the second most crooked president in history. Almost makes me feel young again, until my wife assures me I’m deluded. But I will remember, if it crosses my mind to break the law, to let Heather know in advance so she can hold my hand when they take me down to the police station.