As I’ve mentioned often, and also just recently, I have a degree in theology from Our Lady of Sorrows Grammar School, so I am totally qualified to speak on all matters of religion, and though I don’t actually believe in God anymore, I’m going to grant His existence for purposes of this post, for I hereby declare that there is no explanation for this other than the judgment of an angry god:
When you look at Donald Trump’s terrible approval rating numbers, it’s easy to see that he’s broadly unpopular across a wide swath of the American population. But for whatever reason, Trump seems to be popular with people who own small boats. We’ll have to dive into the psychology of that on another day. For now, it’s enough to know that Trump’s boat parade is sinking – literally.
It’s now being reported by the CBS and ABC affiliates in Austin, Texas that several boats in the Trump boat parade have sunk. The local sheriff’s office has confirmed that it’s responded to several boats in “distress.”
Now you may remember when Pat Robertson declared a hurricane or some other natural disaster to be a sign of god’s displeasure about our society’s tolerance of gays, but we theologians rejected that interpretation because in order for that to be so 1) god was wreaking his vengeance on gay haters and gay lovers alike, which hardly sent a coherent message, and 2) he was wreaking his vengeance in the South, while most of the gay tolerant folks are here in the North. That’s not how god works. In the Bible he showed his displeasure with the Sodomites by destroying Sodom. I.e., the message was clear. He didn’t destroy some random, unoffending little hamlet somewhere else to send a message to the Sodomites.
So it follows as the night the day that those boats didn’t sink without reason. Only Trump lovers got hit. This is the judgment of an angry god. Yes, I realize that I’ve used the adjective “angry” twice to modify the term “god” in this post (and once again in the title-a tip of the hat to Jonathan Edwards), but that’s because we’re talking here about the Old Testament god who was angry pretty much all of the time, not the new and improved “loving” god of the New Testament. The fact is, god has a bit of a split personality. He’s got his angry side and his all loving side, though when he sends a message to us folks on earth, it’s usually from the angry side.
I could go on, but that’s enough for today’s sermon.
Update: Something my wife just found.
Update 2. Even the pagans are getting into the act.
