Just when the Republicans thought things couldn’t get any worse, science goes and invents a drug that might just doom them to political extinction. It’s called Provigil. Now it’s fairly obvious that any drug that makes you happy should be banned, as should any drug that expands your mind. But drugs like that aren’t half the threat that Provigil poses. Apparently, Provigil makes you smarter.
This is a major crisis for the GOP. It’s bad enough that Southern voters-that’s right, Southerners, perhaps the most ignorant group of people on the face of the planet, can no longer be manipulated by racism and appeals to shared ignorance. Now, the GOP faces a world in which the stupid and illogical can experience an IQ boost just by popping a pill. What will the GOP do without its base?
The solution is obvious, of course. This drug should be made illegal. It may be called Viagra for the brain, but the comparisons stop there. Viagra is a benign drug. One could argue, indeed, that it is right up there with religion in bringing opiates to the masses. Provigil, contrariwise, presents a clear and present danger to the Republic, and should be banned immediately. We already face a situation in which ignorance and stupidity are only truly safe in the mountains of West Virginia and within the Beltway in Washington. What will we do if even those bulwarks against rationality are breached?
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