Newt Gingrich left his first wife while she had cancer, even going so far as to go to her hospital room to talk about divorce terms, with which he promptly failed to abide. That was all to clear the decks for wife number two, who he later ditched for his present spouse, who was giving him blow jobs in his office while he was impeaching Bill Clinton for getting blow jobs in his office.
What made him do it?
“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate,” said Gingrich. “And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn’t trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them.”
This makes sense, and who am I to argue? Presumably we can measure a man’s (the applicability of this to women is, as always, subject to doubt) patriotism by the extent of his off the reservation sexual escapades. Alas, by that measure, we Democrats must once again be perceived as far less patriotic than the Republicans. Sure, we had Bill Clinton, whose reputation for patriotism must now surely go up, in light of Newt’s statement, but his sexual escapades are overshadowed by Newt himself, who easily matched Bill in the adultery department, but with an added dollop of hypocrisy to add to the stew. The Republicans can top every Eliot Spitzer with a David Vitter, a man so patriotic, so passionate about his country, that he had to add a bit of fancy dressing to his whoring. And let’s not forget patriots Mark Foley and Larry Craig, who served their country by having sex with children and other men respectively. Why, some Republicans are so patriotic that they have sex with the beasts of the field. There’s not a Democrat in the country patriot enough to top that.
But, lets forget about the patriots. What we need to worry about are the America hating politicians who aren’t screwing on the side. You know who I’m talking about: Barack Obama.
We’ve all had our suspicions. It sure looks like he’s a Kenyan born Muslim socialist, despite an annoying lack of evidence. But we do have evidence, in fact a massive amount of it, that he’s disturbingly monogamous, proof positive that he doesn’t feel passionately about this country. He’s the president. He must have to work way harder that a mere Congressman. If being president isn’t enough to work him into a passion for his country – if he isn’t reaching for the nearest intern or seeking solace in the nearest airport mens room – then he really must hate America.
